Now that we are back from Napa, we are back to reality and as Summer approaches, so do all the last minute school projects and Spring performances for my kids. Will is in a hip hop group, so we are getting ready for that recital, and Lauren has one final play with another performance group. I am looking forward to things slowing down, I feel like I am barely holding my head above water, especially with how busy my work life is as well. Life is always busy it seems, but with everything hitting at once, it is making the time fly by so quickly that I am not able to enjoy the 8 weeks I have left in this journey. This week I hit the 32 week mark, with only 8 weeks to go, I feel my time carrying this little guy just slipping away. I keep wondering how I will feel after he is out and the part of the journey that was more mine than theirs is over. I don’t have a maternal connection, I don’t think I will morn a loss of a baby to another family, but I do think I will feel sad that the journey is over and I will now be more on the outside looking in. Of course I went into this journey knowing that this was bigger than me, bigger than anything I could imagine doing, and of course there would be tears of joy and heartache. But as the time gets closer, I realize how much more fulfilled my life has felt since I met Sara and Derek, even before “our” pregnancy and I don’t know how it will feel afterwards. I am looking forward to watching them raise this little guy into an amazing young man, how could he not be with all the love of his parents, friends and family around him. People keep asking me if I could do it all over again, how will I feel handing that baby to them, will I keep a relationship, how will my kids feel after??? Honestly I don’t know all the answers to the questions, the only thing I am sure of is that I wouldn’t change a thing, not a single thing!
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