I have a pretty amazing life; it is filled with great friends, family, a husband, two beautiful/healthy kids, 2 loving dogs, a house, a job (I actually like) and so much more.
In this job (I actually like) I have a client, well a former client of mine and I am struck by her courage, so much that I can’t stop thinking about her. Okay, so not in a creepy way, but in a “what would I do sort of a way”. If you haven’t had the chance to read the blog http://www.darngoodlemonade.com, I ask that you do. This is a young and I mean young woman who is in stage IV of breast cancer. Not only that, but it is the second time she has had to endure this cancer and the diagnosis is not good. It is incurable…I am not sure what I would do with those words if I heard them from a doctor and I can’t help but wonder how she felt when she did. The only way for me to understand her, what she is going through, what she plans to do next, is to read her blog. While I didn’t know her well, I am inspired by her quirky and charming posts, the way she is dealing with this diagnosis and her courage to share it with the world. The most recent post that caught my eye was her bucket list. Shouldn’t we all have a list of sorts? Currently mine consists of the following items below. For those that know me well, this is isn’t a surprise.
- Keep writing my Gestational Surrogacy journey down, even if no one is reading…hello are you reading?
- Train for the Wasatch Back RAGNAR Relay in June
- Try to make all kids soccer games, performances and schools programs. Last year I traveled during a few key programs and I still have guilt over it.
- Hug my kids and husband daily.
- Clean the house, do the laundry, wash the car, walk the dog, feed the family, grocery shop, plan upcoming holidays, plan summer activities so the kids don’t kill each other, have a glass of wine, plan a night with my friends, plan a date night…
When I think about the list I have made, I realize that I don’t have much of a bucket list, in fact I don’t have one at all, just a silly “get this done before the end of week” kind of list. While I worry about all the silly small things that I can’t get done each week, this woman is worrying about whether or not the medicine she is ingesting is killing the cancer, giving her life, making her sick, losing her hair, paying bill after bill. I have always been aware of how lucky I am to have a life of “wonderful” but in this moment, I am struck by how meaningless it all is. In this moment she is keenly aware of what matters, what makes her life worth living for, what she wants to do next and I hope that I keep learning from her, to challenge myself to live in the moment more.
I am reminded daily how fortunate I am to be chosen by two perfect strangers to carry their genetic child for 10 months (this whole pregnant for 9 months is a lie). I can’t help but feel excitement for this new adventure, live in the moment and take what happens in stride. I am unsure of the outcomes and how this will all play out, but I know that I will take this all in and enjoy every second I can.